you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize