So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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