Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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