grandma shit on top of the toilet
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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