So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
