The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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