Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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