i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i think im in europe. pls send help
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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