Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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