just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
