i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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