So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
