I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
