I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
