am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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