fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
