i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
its liver damage thursday
Randomize