I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
