Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
