You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize