Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
