Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize