Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
