hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Watching her eat just hurts me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
