fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
they need to just BURY HIM!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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