I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
