He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize