i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
