Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
