i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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