I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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