Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
