Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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