I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
