Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
