Your dad touched me again.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
