He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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