Did you just see the Batmobile???
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
