3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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