so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
