its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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