does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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