Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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