I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
