I think my vagina is haunted
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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