my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
