apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
