Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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