I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
