I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
