I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize