question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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