Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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