I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
