Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We have started to decorate penises.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
