so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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