My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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