dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
