You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
