One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
