I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
