i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
