if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
