I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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